Research Pinnacle

I read something yesterday that made me feel like I've made it in the research world:

"Autophagy has been observed in failing myocardium caused by dilated cardiomyopathy, by valvular disease, and by ischemic heart disease."

One year ago I would have read that and thought "what?" It feels real good to read through that without skipping a beat. Who knows, I might just be a doctor yet.

...because putting off a paper is more fun than writing it.

I should be doing research, but I'm gonna do this instead. Today was warm, sunny, and enjoyable. I didn't do a whole lot of anything. I went to the airport to pick up one of the vans for the trip to Boston. I'm working as hard as I can on my capstone paper, but it just isn't budging very much.

I talked to Dale Mills today. A couple of weeks ago he got engaged and I've kept meaning to call him. Turns out he called me instead. I think I hit the age when it's normal to get engaged...at least it's becoming less of a surprise when my friends do. I can't help but wonder why. A year ago I was seriously considering getting engaged to Courtney simply because I thought I was supposed to -- I thought it was just what you do after dating someone for 10 months. I like to think I live my life above cultural expectations, but I guess I don't. I spend a lot of time thinking about relationships (of the intimate sort), and the role they fill in my life. On one side, I have that constant yearning for a member of the opposite sex. Even while I don't want to get married, I still want to take girls out on dates and open doors for them and stuff. When I think about relationships, though, I can't quite find a good reason for them in my life.

I did a lot of thinking a while back about what I would want in a girlfriend right now. I wrote a big, long facebook note about it and came to 3 basic ideas and one conclusion: I want a girl who does not require a whole lot of time (i.e. 1-2 days a month....after all, I REALLY like being alone), a girl who is good at quality time and conversation, and a girl who is discrete and compartmentalized. After writing that note it hit me that I don't want a girlfriend -- I want a counselor. Maybe I'll look into that...they both cost about the same thing.

Got a call from my boss today. They need me to work tomorrow and Saturday. Too bad I have class until 10 AM and am driving to Boston on Saturday. I would love some good ambulance time.

Prof. Rydel says journal are for reading.

In writing this blog I've been thinking about my audience. It's strange to write down what's going on in my head for everyone to read. In talking about A Hero of Our Time, Prof. Rydel argues that nobody writes a journal purely for personal reasons. She claims that everyone who writes a journal hopes that someday it will be read. I've tried a couple of times to prove her wrong, but I can never pull it off. I guess there is no accountability to record anything if it's only for yourself. Why would I care about what I'm thinking when I am thinking it? I'm already thinking it (if that makes any sense).

I'm just not quite sure what to reveal and what to censor.

I think I fixed the comments section.

I have reached my limit tonight. After just one article, I am burned out on reading about autophagy and reperfusion injury in myocardial tissue. It's pretty interesting stuff -- looking at a bit of a phenomenon where the heart will try to protect itself in the middle of an MI (heart attack) so that when the bloodflow restarted the tissue will be less damaged. I would love to write about it in the spirits of John Hawks, but it's time to put it down.

I had a little talk today with Steve Huisman, the owner of the Great Lakes EMS Academy (where I did my EMT-S class). It was my crazy idea to teach chemistry to his paramedic students, and he was all about it -- so I guess I am now a chemistry teacher. I'm going to have to figure out how to bring everything down to the level of a paramedic student. They need to learn about 2 1/2 years of chemistry in 12 hours -- I've got a big job on my hands.

Big week ahead of me putting together the logistics for a Campus Ministry trip to Boston, writing/researching for a calorie restriction and reperfusion injury paper, getting set for the Wayne State interview, putting together equipment for the Mt. Marcy climb, and writing a paper on Hamlet and Macbeth. I probably shouldn't take a break Tuesday night, but I think I will. All I have tomorrow is biochem and laundry.

Following in the footsteps.

I got an email today about my sister starting up a blog. I didn't think much of it, so I clicked on the link and read it. I then read my brother's blog and realized that I was the only McClain progeny without a blog. I figure I've followed in the Mary Kate/Paul footsteps in a lot of things, so why not in a blog. Besides, I suck at conveying myself to others, so why not do it over the blog medium. As with everything that I write, my main audience will be myself for personal reflection. I find I write most clearly, however, when I have the accountability of other readers. So here goes...

Something happened today that I have been waiting for since last August. I got a letter in the mail from Wayne State's School of Medicine. It was thicker than the other med school replies I've gotten, and needless to say I got invited to an interview. It was a funny feeling. I was surprised at how unexcited I was. By all means, I felt an incredible feeling of relief, but I wasn't excited. It just sort of felt like I was climbing Mt. Everest and I made it to high camp. I have been working for this goal for such a long time, it is just natural that I make it. Sure tons of people fail every year, but they only truly fail when they stop trying. Looking into Plan B options also decreased the level of excitement. I am beginning to make connections in Ethiopia, Kenya, and Singapore -- why would I want to go live in Detroit for 4 years? I think my feelings would be summed up by a little answer I got from God the other day.

I had been putting a lot of thought into different ideas for the next year (Peace Corps, alpine rescue, medic school, etc.). I was running cabs for work (i.e. driving old people around) and I was stopped at an intersection. I looked over at a church marquee next to me with low expectations (I generally find those messages either lame or irrelevant), but it just said "Patience." Whether God had me targeted or not I realized that I have spent the past 3 years learning how to be patient. Why should I be impatient now? The past 6 years have been perfectly sculpted (despite some little nicks that I've put into it), so why do I need to manipulate anything now? It's a good feeling. My interview is scheduled for March 31 at 1:00, and I'm going to put on my best suit. I'm going to walk in with a big smile and feel absolutely no pressure. It is the one interview I will ever have in which I have nothing to lose. If I get in, I get to start the road to being a doctor. What could be better than that? If I don't get in, I get to go to Kenya or Ethiopia or anywhere else for a year or awesomeness and try again next year. What could be better than that?

I learned something about myself over the past couple of weeks. I began by looking at my activities. I noticed that I have played just every sport imaginable -- lacrosse, water polo, swimming, rugby, soccer, fencing, adventure racing, alpine climbing, etc. -- but I haven't stuck with any of them. I always just assumed I was a quitter, until I realized my approach to challenges. When I am faced with something difficult, my level of motivation is inversely proportional to the level of difficulty. The harder something is the more I want to do it. Hence, an 8 hour race in December is much more appealing than a 3 hour triathlon, and a 2 day climb of the tallest mountain in New York is much more appealing than a game of rugby. Ultimately, I realized that I am an adventurer. I want challenges that make me think about new avenues of life. I want to be pushed to my absolute limit -- and I am willing to pay to inflict that upon myself. Why else would I walk 25 miles down the NC/SC coastline? I'm not sure there is any better way to pursue life. Not that I want to beat myself into submission everyday. I see a conversation as just as much of an adventure as a motorcycle tour of Taiwan. I'm not sure what that means for me, but I like knowing it.

I think this blog is going to be more of what's going on in my head than what's going on around me. We'll see where it goes -- it looks like this is a bit of adventure in and of itself.