The summer after graduating high school I remember playing lacrosse with some guys at the Athens stadium. At the time I was planning on playing lacrosse at BU. I was playing goalie on the north end of the field when I just had the overwhelming desire to never play lacrosse again. I just realized that I was done. I have since picked up a stick every now and then, but my gut feeling was right -- my lacrosse career ended right then and there.
I had a similar type of gut feeling about 10 minutes ago. I spent the past 2 hours applying to 4 jobs (1 in Portland at OHSU's medical center, 3 at UCSF's medical center), and it hit me that I already miss school. I've heard people talk about how much they miss school, but it seems like those feelings hit about 1-3 years after they graduated. I never expected to get that feeling the day after turning in my last assignment (and a day before actually graduating).
I was walking home from applying to those jobs and it hit me that I need to get an MD/PhD. I am a man of structure. I LOVE always having work to do. I love having long-term and short-term projects that require simultaneous concentration. Even while I was in school I never wanted to be done. Just getting an MD will merely delay the inevitable. In 5-6 years I'll have the same feeling I have now. The PhD will be a license to be a student for the rest of my life. The difference in pre-PhD and post-PhD is I go from having teachers to being my own teacher.
This morning was a great deep breath. Now I'm ready for school again.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Boy...you love learning. Go after it. Do what you most want to do. How you do it will work itself out. A deep breath and right on up the mountain. That's livin'.
ReplyDeleteSo, you're getting a PHd? I think whatever you do is cool.
ReplyDelete