I never said I'd update this daily.

I've been thinking a lot about climbing and adventuring lately, and I want to get some of my thoughts down in words.

There's something about the treeline. I felt it climbing Olympus. I felt it on top of Marmot Basin. I felt it on Mt. Marcy. You feel like you're breaking some rule -- a rule that everybody knows but yourself. It's the reason that natives of the Karakoram don't climb (that's the region of the Himalayas that has the biggest mountains in the world).

Climbers are always superstitious. Usually for good reason, too. When I was on Marcy I made some comment about being stronger than the mountain, and throughout the rest of the day little things kept going wrong for me (stuff falling off of my pack, little things breaking, etc), that didn't happen to anybody else. I'm not akin to superstitions myself, but it was still strange.

I just got my hands on some new gear that I'm pretty excited about. I got a new jacket, pants, and a hat. The more I buy, though, the more I realize how much I need still. It's dang expensive, too. If I climb for a while (through to my 50's or so) I bet I'll spend about $300,000 on the sport. If I get any good, though, I'll get a lot of that covered through sponsorships and stuff like that.

It's funny though: in spending a lot of money on this stuff I really don't feel any buyer's remorse. I did when I bought my bike, and I do whenever I go out to eat, but I'll gladly drop $200 on a jacket (even when it's a "worse case scenario" jacket that I hope I'll never have to use). I think it'd be real cool to mix medicine and climbing. For one, I could always be an expedition doctor and get on with big-time climbs. Big-time mountains are almost always surrounded with vulnerable/indigenous/exposed populations. I think it would be real cool to go work with some of those populations, too (kind of like how Greg Mortenson got his start in Three Cups of Tea). It's an idea, but who knows. I guess I gotta get into med school first.

I've been training real hard. I can run 10 miles pretty well now (I have no idea what my time is), so I've been throwing in a ton of hills. We have a hill in downtown GR that rises about 250 ft. in about half mile, so it's pretty steep. I try to run that five times within a 5 mile loop (thus giving me about 10 miles). I find that I love that hate the hill all at the same time. My knee hasn't bothered me in a really long time, so I figure I'm doing things right. I started lifting, too, so that should help me out a bit. Hopefully it will all put me on top of Mt. Elbrus.

A month recap

The past month has been a blur. They say history can't be fully understood until everybody affected is dead. I'm not dead yet, but I might be able to understand the past month or so.

It began with a backcountry trip to Canada, my first time leading a trip of this sort. Here are some pictures:

Reeds Lake

I just got back from the Reeds Lake Run, a pretty big 10K in East Grand Rapids (around the same lake that Paul and I did the triathlon at). My goal time was sub 45 min. with the full expectation that I wouldn't even come close, but it turns out I was just above 47, so I am very pleased. A bunch of paramedics I work with ran, too, and I think I beat them all, which is a little ego boost there. All in all, real fun run.

I got word from University of Tennessee already. As it turns out they are only accepting in state applicants. Kudos to them for not putting that fun tid-bit in any of their information.

I'm starting George Washington University's secondary application today. Let's hope that goes well. I don't know how much longer I can get denied from stuff -- jobs, schools, etc.

I had a cool idea the other day. I was thinking that when my lease is up I should close all of my bank accounts and just drive around until I run out of money. That would be a cool adventure.

The next big thing.

Plans are set for the next workout. We're going to do an "out and back" of the Musketawa Trail, which links Muskegon and Marne. We're gonna bike 25 miles out and walk 25 miles back. I think I'm gonna do some other stuff to make it a 24 hour event...maybe some swimming, just for giggles. My wrist is still bothering me from last time, so hopefully that clears up.

We've also made some plans for climbs. Mt. Katahdin in November, Mt. Elbert in March, and Mt. Elbrus sometime at the beginning of 2010. Elbrus is the big one as far as cost and training goes, but I've got a year and half to get ready for it. If all goes to plan (which it certainly won't), I maybe be standing on the top of Europe sometime soon. Sounds good to me. I still think it's goofy that I spend so much of my time with guys in their 40's.

I had a real cool day yesterday. A new friend and I went to the zoo in GR (my first time there), did some culinary exploration on the east side of the city, then went to a production of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" (or whatever it's called). It was a great day, one of those days that feels like a 15 hour vacation. I wish you could consistently plan stuff like that.

I'm reading a bood about a guy who walked the Appalacian Trail (real funny book by Bill Bryson), and I gotta say that it's turning me off from the trail. It's hard to put my finger on why, but I"m just not feeling it as much anymore. Maybe I'll change my mind after my big July hike with Derek. It's strange how it's so hard to decide on adventures when I have absolutely no parameters or limiting factors. I can do anything and I can't think of anything. Maybe I should just walk to Mexico or Alaska or something like that. Who knows what I'll do.

A silly way to live life

I'm just about recovered from my workout. Just a little bit of soreness to get over. I think I'm going to try for 8 miles this afternoon.

I worked a shift on an ambulance yesterday, and I realized that I have comfortably nestled into a working lifestyle. I'm either at work or I'm not. I work out a bit, I read a bit, and that's about it. It's a very silly way to live. I can't wait to pick back up with school, with progress.

It's not that I'm not stimulated. I've got a great job, I read great books (more on that later), and I do awesome stuff. I just hate the segmentation of it all. Working vs. not working. I plan on breaking it up with some trips and such. I've got an 11 day walk across Michigan planned for the beginning of July. Tim also thinks I'll be able to get a job with the organization he teaches Wilderness Medicine with (Wilderness Medical Associates). He says they just want experience (wilderness and medicine), which I have both. It sounds like fun. That would sure look good on a med school application, too.

I made the mistake on Sunday of picking up some light reading: Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller. I read half of it about 2 years ago, but I decided to pick it back up after a little discussion about it with a friend. The problem, though, is that I was right in the middle of a dense Russian lit book. I forgot how nice it can be to just read, and not worry about dense and heavy topics. After reading the first two chapters of Miller's book I promptly returned The Idiot to the library and continued with the light reading. I hate leaving books partially read -- I'll have to pick it back up later.

The wall begins at 75 miles

I had a huge workout yesterday. It started at 8:30 AM with medical coverage on my bike for a 5K down in Cutlerville. Nothing much happened. I then jumped up to Rockford with Tim and Mike and the real pain began at 1:00 PM. We rode over 30 miles up the White Pine State Park Trail (7 miles paved, the rest two-track gravel) to Morley, the trucking capital of Michigan! We ditched the bikes and hiked 2 hours north to about Stanwood (around 7 miles), did an about face, and returned to the bikes at Morley. After a quick 5 min. break we were riding south again with legs burning and butts aching. We rode back into Rockford around 11:00 PM with fireworks welcoming us back (I hear they were actually for the summer celebration carnival, but I'm gonna go ahead and pretend they were for us). In the end we did about 85 miles.

My goal for this past week was to hit the wall: that point that marathon runners always talk about when you run out of carbohydrates and your body slowly switches over to fat metabolism. I guess the more you do it the faster your body makes the switch, which is why seasoned marathoners don't ever hit it anymore. I hit the wall at about mile 75. My feet were numb, my legs were filled with lead and jell-o, and my fine motor skills simply didn't work anymore. It was surprisingly relaxing, though. I am accustomed to acute stress situations (with school and stuff everything would always culminate at once), and this stress of hard work was great. With only two thoughts in my head (how much pain I was in and how I just needed to keep pedaling) I found an incredible peace. Suddenly concerns about med school, job stuff, and life were gone. All that mattered was that I keep pedaling. Who would have thought so much suffering could bring so much peace. Life has a strange duality to it sometimes.

After the worst night of sleep in my life I feel pretty good now. My legs are a little sore and my right wrist is absolutely killing me (gotta be the tendons from holding onto bike grips for so long), but that is all. I think I might run a couple of miles today just to boost the ego and show the old guys what's up (i.e. Tim and Mike).

Overall, I gotta say that I'm very pleased with myself. I should have weighed myself last night. I bet I lost a couple of pounds in that crazy adventure, even though I didn't have five pounds to lose.

Some may say I'm a lifer.

I spent the past couple of days up at SpringHill. I helped a friend of mine (and former boss) teach the staff about how the infirmary works, and I also helped train some of the infirmary staff. It was a lot of fun. I got some comments about how I am a SpringHill lifer, which I gotta disagree with. As far as I am concerned, my time at camp is done. I go back simply for the people. Some of my best friends live and work up there. I don't really make it a point to participate in the camp's mission or anything like that, and I really don't try to make new friends. I did make a new friend this past week, though, which I think is pretty cool.

Big day planned for tomorrow. I'm covering a 5K for work, then I'm heading up north of GR for a 100 Mile workout. Tim, Mike, and I (we 3 who climbed Mt. Marcy) are going to ride 30 miles, ditch the bikes and hike 20, then backtrack all the way back. I'm excited. It'll be a real hard day.

Russian Lit Kick

Donald Miller says that every serious writer has a few years where they fall in love with Emily Dickinson. I've never been one for poetry, though. I have, however, fallen in love with 19th Century Russian culture. It seems like a pretty obscure time to fall in love with, but the culture just blows me away (well, the culture as described by the literature). I finished "Anna Karenina" last week, blew through 2 adventure books, and just started "The Idiot" yesterday. I'm already about 1/4 through it. It's just so dang good.

I had always thought this Russian stuff was just a phase, but I'm wondering if I'm just going to keep reading these books. The funny thing is that the more you read them the better they get (Mom, you should read "The Brothers Karamazov" if you haven't yet. "Dead Souls" is a pretty obscure and abstract book to start with.).

I figured out my next ploy to make enough money to survive: disaster response. FEMA has a contract with AMR, and whenever a big hurricane is about to hit every AMR branch sends a bunch of EMTs and Paramedics to the disaster site. Last year we sent like 12 poeple down to Texas for 3 weeks. The cool part about going down there is that you get paid 24 hours a day. I hear it's a great time, too.

Finalized list

I think I've put together a finalized list of potential med schools:

Albany Medical College
George Washington University
Michigan State University
Oregon Health and Science University
University of Tennessee
University of Washington

They all seem to have what I'm looking for: small med school (preferably amidst a larger institution), a balance between clinical and research medicine (with an obvious focus on the clinical side of things), and a broad potential for future opportunities. I'm pretty excited. I was going to apply to Indiana University, but as it turns out that is the biggest med school in the country. I think I'll go ahead and avoid it. I am surprisingly excited about Albany...probably because it's so close to the Adirondacks. I think if I went to Washington I would just stare at Mt. Rainier all day. Are mountains any reason to pick a med school? Sounds pretty irresponsible to me...luckily I can back the schools up with real reasons, too.

On another note, for about 3 months now I have been calling myself a temporal thinker. To be honest I really didn't know what it meant, it just sounded right. I did a little poking on wikipedia and it turns out I actually am a temporal thinker. To quote wikipedia, "In logic, the term temporal logic is used to describe any system of rules and symbolism for representing, and reasoning about, propositions qualified in terms of time.... Consider the statement: "I am hungry." Though its meaning is constant in time, the truth value of the statement can vary in time. Sometimes the statement is true, and sometimes the statement is false, but the statement is never true and false simultaneously. In a temporal logic, statements can have a truth value which can vary in time. Contrast this with an atemporal logic, which can only discuss statements whose truth value is constant in time."

That is me through and through. I've been trying to work out the difference between relative and absolute truth for a while now, but I guess the "I am hungry" idea does it for me...it's all varying degrees.

I bet none of you really care, but I think it's cool.

One Year

I think I made a mistake a couple of days ago: I checked out Touching the Void from the library. It's a book about the first two guys to climb an incredible route on Siula Grande in the Andes. The author ends up breaking his leg, falling in a crevasse, and crawling something like 10 miles back to base camp hours before his partner (who had thought he was dead) was about to leave to head back to England. Great book.

Hours after finishing it, though, I went into work to try to get some hours and I find Conquering the Impossible in my mailbox. This book is about a guy who attempts to circumnavigate the Artic Circle via sailboat and skis. I'm only 70 pages into it, but it's great so far. As part of his training he tried to be the second person to make a solo trip to the North Pole, without any Arctic experience. Crazy guy.

These 2 books got me thinking about adventure and endurance. In thinking about the next year I still don't know what I want to do. The one thing I know is that I'm already tired of simply having a job and filling idle time between shifts. I'm done with that.

I was listening to the radio yesterday while driving to a local fire department to inquire about jobs. The DJ had asked the question "if you had a year to do whatever you wanted, what would you do." I realized that I have a year to do whatever I want, but I couldn't narrow things down to one activity. I know what I want to do on the long-term (physician, adventure, etc.). I got to thinking about the short-term, though -- thinking about impossible mountains and incredible expeditions. If I dream as big as possible where will I end up?

Two things come to mind. If I go off to medical school in the fall of 2010 I will lose all hope in doing 2 activities that I've always wanted to do: wildlands firefighting and the Appalachian Trail. Both take up months of time, which I may never have again to the extent that I have now. Both are pretty long shots at the moment, but they are at least worth looking into.

I think my next big adventure will be a little AT test run: the Michigan Shore-to-Shore trail. It runs from Empire on Lake Michigan to Oscoda on Lake Huron: 220 miles. It'll be a good little test for the 2200 mile AT.

Anna Karenina and Memorial Day

I think I have found myself a bit of a Memorial Day tradition. For the past 4 years I have been up at SpringHill volunteering for their big family camp. It is tons of fun. I mostly go up there to hang out with old friends and meet new ones. For some reason I have gained a certain rapport at that place to the extent that I can really do whatever I want, and they still pay for my gas money to go to and from camp. Within minutes of getting up to camp I had a radio, a golf cart, and a key that would get me into (almost) any building on camp. Weird.

The weekend was a lot of fun. I hung out a lot with some old friends, met a few new ones, and learned how to waltz. This year marks my 1 year anniversary of not working at Springhill for the summer. The funny thing is that I realized that Springhill is not a deep spiritual place to me like it is for most people. I just really really like the people that work there. The place breeds a certain community that is very easy to succeed in. People just want to have fun there. I've never really understood the theological/spiritual role of a chrisitian camp, but I like hanging out with the people at springhill.

Just today I finished reading Anna Karenina. Amazing book. It's by the same guy that wrote War and Peace. The crazy thing about that book is the character development. It is about Russian nobles in the late 1800's and how one of them (Anna) cheats on her husband, and how the affair affects about 8 people involved. The funny thing is that nobody is the bad guy. Everybody clearly has strengths and weaknesses. Tolstoy somehow paints a complete picture of a circle of society that is absolutely mind-blowing. If you ever get a chance to read it, keep a lookout for the character named Alexei Alexandrovich Kareni. As far as I can tell I am him.

I've been sick for exactly 2 weeks as of today. It sucks. I went to the doctor and got some antibiotics. The scary part of being sick this long, though, is that my job regularly puts me in environments containing MRSA, VRE, and C. diff. I had a patient the other day with all 3. Lets hope none of them work on my depressed immune system.

Being sick has hurt my workout schedule, and my bikes took a dump on me, so I haven't been working out very much. I found a great 7 mile loop for running that gets me out of the city. I'll be doing that more regularly when I get better. I also took an Appalacian Trail book out of the library. I figure if I ever have a chance to do it it will be next summer. Here's hoping. Either way, I need an adventure soon.

So I saved a life...

I found out the other day that I actually had a hand in saving someone's life. Last year at the annual 25K in Grand Rapids I treated a guy who was seizing about 1/3 mile from the finish line. It was kind of cool because there was a huge crowd watching me. I didn't think much of it (seizures are real easy because you can't do much. You just let the body run its course and treat afterwards). I just kept his airway clear and kept him safe...and ambulance got there after a couple minutes and took him off to the hospital.

I talked to one of the medics who took the guy to the hospital a couple of days ago (the night before this year's race). He told me that he found out that our guy had heat stroke and was in the hospital for 4 days (or so). Heat stroke is something that is basically characterized by death. It's a level of dehydration and electrolyte imbalance that the body can not self-correct. So it's kind of cool that I had a hand in saving his life.

The race this year was totally uneventful, though. Lots of cold rain and healthy runners.

I just started the med school application for 2010. I'm thinking of applying to around 5 schools and hoping for the best. I'm going to talk to the pre-med adviser this week to hear her thoughts on the matter. Still trying to hear back from the research jobs, though.

80 hour work week last week.
50 hour work week this week.
I don't know what to do with all of the extra time.

It's funny how fast you can realize something...

The summer after graduating high school I remember playing lacrosse with some guys at the Athens stadium. At the time I was planning on playing lacrosse at BU. I was playing goalie on the north end of the field when I just had the overwhelming desire to never play lacrosse again. I just realized that I was done. I have since picked up a stick every now and then, but my gut feeling was right -- my lacrosse career ended right then and there.

I had a similar type of gut feeling about 10 minutes ago. I spent the past 2 hours applying to 4 jobs (1 in Portland at OHSU's medical center, 3 at UCSF's medical center), and it hit me that I already miss school. I've heard people talk about how much they miss school, but it seems like those feelings hit about 1-3 years after they graduated. I never expected to get that feeling the day after turning in my last assignment (and a day before actually graduating).

I was walking home from applying to those jobs and it hit me that I need to get an MD/PhD. I am a man of structure. I LOVE always having work to do. I love having long-term and short-term projects that require simultaneous concentration. Even while I was in school I never wanted to be done. Just getting an MD will merely delay the inevitable. In 5-6 years I'll have the same feeling I have now. The PhD will be a license to be a student for the rest of my life. The difference in pre-PhD and post-PhD is I go from having teachers to being my own teacher.

This morning was a great deep breath. Now I'm ready for school again.

Applying for a job?

I found the first job I would seriously consider pursuing (assuming I do end up turning down Wayne State, which I am leaning toward). It's a clinical research coordinator job at the National Jewish Hospital in Denver, doing work with COPD patients. Apparently this hospital is the #1 respiratory hospital in the country, which is perfect as I am considering critical care medicine as a strong possibility (i.e. internal medicine with a sub specialty in pulmonology). It looks like I fit all of the qualifications. Now I just need to write a resume. Weird. I never thought I'd be doing this stuff.

Biochem Done

I just got out of my biochem final. It went real well. We were allowed to make a cheat sheet, but I totally forgot about that; but I think I was better off without. The test was either random trivia (which would have been a crap shoot to have that stuff on the sheet) or critical thinking (which you either know the information to interpret or you don't). I think a sheet would have helped on maybe one question, so I guess I win overall. It's funny leaving biochem thinking that it was a pretty easy class. Lots of people told me that it was the hardest class I would ever have to take in my undergrad. For me, that title would certainly go to either second semester inorganic chemistry or first semester physics. Those classes literally brought me to tears with certain concepts (titrations and Bernoulli's Principle). Microbiology was also hard because there was so much dang information to learn in so little time. My two favorite classes were the most unlikely of all: organic chemistry and biochem. Strange.

Finals and Furanose

I went to Wayne State today for a financial aid seminar, and I realized what I am in for in med school. I have always considered myself old-school as far as education goes, and today showed me just how old school I am.

The seminar included about 30 students, many of whom had parents with them. The parents mostly asked questions about post-med school income. The students mostly asked questions about what can be paid for with their loans. Money. Understandable at a financial aid seminar.

The trouble hit when an Army officer gave a little presentation about the Army Medical Corps. It seemed a bit out of place, but it's something I'm interested in so I didn't mind. At one point she made a joke, something along the lines of "in the Army program you won't have to worry so much about making a big income to pay off debts, but you guys would do this for free anyway, wouldn't you?" I nodded my head at the remark while everybody else laughed at it. I realized just what it looks like to go into medicine for the money. Most of my clinical experience has been without payment, and I intend to keep my paid/unpaid ratio as small as possible. I think John Donne (and Hemingway, sort of) sums my feelings up well. I guess those people who are in it for the money have a miserable future and a very difficult job ahead of themselves.

I've deviated from my topic, though. Old school. To me, schooling should be focused on education. I have always had a little problem with medical school (rooting back probably before high school) because it's so vocational. You struggle through the 4 years and get wedged into a job. Law has always appealed to me because it's so applicable to everything. You leave law school educated, coherent, and intelligent. You leave med school with a job. I guess I just saw the manifestation of that today. I've looked into some MD/JD programs just for kicks, but it kind of looks like a lot of work for nothing. Since I don't intend to stop going to school maybe I could knock out a law degree later on in life. Could be fun.

Final schedule: Biochem and Capstone test Monday. Geology paper and poster due Tuesday. Shakespeare paper due Thursday. Pretty easy finals week ahead of me.

Failblog

The funniest thing I've ever seen:

TV Host Fail

I was thinking about the stabbing from last night, and how the EMS world is a funny funny place to work in.

You always hear that death is an everyday thing, but I guess I never realized it until I saw people die everyday. I mean, I've only seen 2 people die, but both times felt very normal. If you try to stop a car with the back of your head it just makes sense that you will die. If you get stabbed where this guy got stabbed, it just makes sense that you will die. I don't see any reason to get emotional about it. So while I got some equipment ready and joked with some firefighters and cops, this dead guy's girlfriend was sitting on the steps of their condo about 30 feet away. It was absolutely crazy how 2 worlds can exist so close to each other. In one world are the harbingers of life and death, in the other are the people who were having a totally normal day before we showed up. Normal as far as watching Comedy Central, or eating some evening ice cream, or taking a walk through the neighborhood. It always blows my mind at how fast life goes from normal to catastrophic. I guess the moral of this story is don't get stabbed.

http://www.wzzm13.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=107940&catid

Trauma

Last night I got called in to work on an ambulance. In the past I have always worked with a supervisor (as a loophole so that they could say I was on a supervisor truck, and that all of our trucks are dual paramedic still). This time I got to work with a straight up paramedic, which was real cool. It was this little 22 year old girl that I did a clinical with a couple of years back, and she is a fantastic paramedic.

It turned out being a pretty eventful night. We got a big-time stabbing, a facial trauma, and a possible stroke; along with a few others. Overall, a good night.

Now I am more tired than I have ever been (I woke up 7 am Sunday morning and have been going since). I just got out of biochem, which I basically slept through. I was able to answer a question in lecture in my sleep, which I was pretty proud of. I guess the two goals for today are sleeping and studying, in that order.

Reed's Lake

I had a great workout today. I rode my bike out to Reeds Lake in East Grand Rapids, where Paul and I did that triathlon a little while back. I had a nice run around the lake, then rode back to my house. When I did the tri I was in tons of pain -- my knees were boycotting normal function; but this time I felt great. It was real nice. Depending on how I feel in the fall I might give that tri another shot. I know I could beat my time.

Big biochem test on Wednesday. This time I've gotta learn the Citric Acid Cycle and the Electron Transport Chain. Should be fun.

Speaking of school, on Tuesday my geology class went on a field trip to the wastewater treatment plant in Muskegon. It was a cool trip, but I noticed something a little strange -- I noticed that my professor was always standing next to me, and whenever I said anything she did this super girly laugh. All semester I had noticed that she treated me a little differently than everybody else (I could give LOTS of examples), and I think the Muskegon trip semi-confirmed the hypothesis that my professor has a crush on me (she just got her PhD and I think she went straight through, putting her in her mid to late 20's, so it's nothing ridiculous I guess). It's nothing I'm going to act on, but it gives me a good chuckle.

The Gravity of Ohio

Since November 28 I have passed through Cleveland five times. Prior to this day I had been through just once. What is this new gravity? Why am I sucked into Ohio?

The first two times through I was driving to and from Boston. Ohio turned out to be a surprisingly large state, and Cleveland was the landmark taunting you...saying that you have traveled forever through Ohio, and you're still an eternity from Boston or Grand Rapids. This part of the trip was fun, though. I was in a van of about 8 other people I didn't know, and we were all just hanging out getting to know each other. Good fun. Turned out to be an amazing trip. I slept through Cleveland on the return trip, so I can't comment on that part....but it was around 10 am after driving all night--no fun.

Passes three and four were on my trip to Mt. Marcy. Great trip. The drive out there was a little awkward, seeing as I had never taken a road trip with two guys in their mid-forties. The first time through Cleveland I generally took an introverted posture. The return trip I was much more talkative.

Today was a whole new experience. I got called up to do a Long Distance Transfer (LDT) to pick somebody up from the Cleveland Clinic (i.e. a HUGE hospital in Cleveland) and bring her back to GR. I was paired up with a medic that I have talked to a bit, but didn't know incredibly well. It was real cool to get to know him throughout the trip. He does great medicine. We picked up a woman who had some pretty significant neurological problems. She had a bunch of scars on the left side of her head towards the front and she couldn't talk at all (aphasia). I bet she had some injury in what's called Broca's Area (speech production), but she seemed to be able to understand everything going on around her. I can't imagine that -- being completely aware that you are a seeming lump of a person, and not being able to do anything about it. With work she will probably be able to regain some communication skills, but she will never be able to return to her former level (she was a state trooper). Luckily she had a great husband that was trailing around with her. I doubt I'll ever find out what happens with her, though, and I think that's my biggest problem with healthcare.

Who knows when I'll get sucked into Cleveland again. Something tells me it will be real soon.

The Wisdom of Harry Katz

Despite a spirit instilled in few posts from earlier dates, Wayne State is by no means ruled out. I purely want to make a rational and educated decision. Needless to say, it is a difficult decision to feel out...there are a lot of unknowns.

I was talking to an old friend from Boston: Harry Katz. In my 2 1/2 years in Boston I feel like I made one friend, and that friend is Harry. He is the Mario Conway of my life. I was talking to him about all of this med school stuff and he brought up an amazing point. April 22 I find out about Wayne State -- if I get in I have to figure out if that's where I'm going, if I don't go (or don't get in) I have to figure out how to live for the next year. It's a problem that I didn't expect to have and it is very stressful. That all happens April 22. Right now I don't have a problem. I am problem-less, actually. I might have a problem April 22, but it's ridiculous to try to solve a problem that I don't have. Harry's a smart guy. He's shooting for law school now, and he'll make an amazing lawyer.

I talked with the pre-med adviser at Grand Valley about Illinois MD/PhD program a bit more. I'm not so sure about that stuff anymore, but we did have an interesting talk about re-applying. When I asked her if I could do better than Wayne, she responded, "you almost have a 4.0! I can't promise you will get into Duke or Harvard, but there are very few people that come to the table with the history that you have." She is sure I didn't get better results this year because of my late MCAT -- making me a late applicant. That is the reason I heard back from schools so late. She is confident that reapplication would get me better results at schools like Indiana, Illinois, and Case-Western. I have always been drawn to Indiana.

Hence the problem I thought I had. Should I take the risk and reapply? Should I just go to Wayne State? Is that settling? Is it possible to settle on a med school? I always thought you took what you can get as far as med school, but if I could do better than Wayne State shouldn't I do better?

I guess these are questions that will begin to be asked April 22.

I had a real good run yesterday, though. The girl I usually run with was sick, so I decided to make it a long day. I ended up going about 11 miles, the most I've ever run. The first 9 felt great. The last 2 were absolute hell. I think I'll go for 4 tomorrow, but now that I know I can get the long distance I want to do a 10+ mile day at least once a week. Gotta train for my 30 hour.

Rewind 5 years

Five years ago at this time I bought a book. This book shot me into the world of biological anthropology. Over the next 2 years I gained a significant interest in early human/Neandertal evolution. My goal was to head off to grad school at Washington University in St. Louis and study under Erik Trinkaus. I had begun correspondence with the anthropology department at Wash U, and I was about to email Trinkaus when I returned to Michigan and refocused everything into the medical world. Prof. Trinkaus is the world's leading expert on Neandertals and early humans throughout Europe and the Middle East.

When I heard about the MD/PhD stuff my first reaction was to email my old bio anthro professor at BU (Rich Lawler), just to get his opinion on the matter. He invested a lot in me at BU, and I know the prospect of me re-entering anthropology again would get him excited. I haven't gotten a response back from him, but it's a busy time of year for academic types so it'll take a while. Today I had the crazy idea to email Trinkaus. He looks like a nice enough guy in his pictures, so I thought I'd just make a crazy move. I basically asked if there was room in his field for experts in clinical medicine. It kind of feels like emailing Paul Simon.

Last night I worked the New Kids on the Block concert. It was pretty funny. They sang a bunch of their old songs. Totally worth getting paid $9 an hour to watch. We only had one patient -- she was quite the puker, too... hardcore convulsions and everything. Take note kids, don't drink 3 long islands plus a shot in an hour in a half when you barely drink at all.

At the concert I realized my absolute biggest fear, though -- ignorant mediocrity. I work with few EMTs who simply aren't any good at what they do. They love their job and basically center their lives around EMS work, but they suck at it. The worst part is that they have no idea...not because nobody will tell them, but that they refuse critical introspection. I tend to think "why center your life around something that you are bad at." But what if you don't know you're bad at it? It is my hope that I will be able to recognize areas that I'm bad at -- no matter what I'm doing. The idea of mediocrity terrifies me, though...especially if I'm ignorant of it.

AR Season Hereth

The run yesterday turned out to be a bit of a downer. The park was a lot smaller than I was hoping, but it was nice exploring a new place. I think there was a cyclocross race last weekend, though, because there were a bunch of muddy ruts everywhere and some white lines on the ground. I decided to follow the course, forgetting in the first 100 feet that cross races are known to be super muddy and wet. Needless to say I gave my new shoes a good initiation to what they're in for in their lifetime. Probably only ended up running 3 miles or so, but the new shoes felt great on the trails.

Today was an unexpectedly hard workout. I went out to Lake Michigan and ran from down the beach to start off. I was planning to run to a pier that appear to be about a mile away, and I didn't think running in the sand would be too difficult. As it turns out running in the sand is absolutely killer, and the pier was about 3 km away...so it was a very hard run (and the ending sprint up a dune absolutely wiped me. I set up the slackline and did about 30 min. of balance work. It had been about 2 years since I last slacklined, so I was pretty rusty. It was fun nonetheless. Afterward I went for a 20 mile bike ride with some people from work. It was a pretty slow ride, so it was good for getting back into a biking groove. Overall, I am much more tired than I was expecting. Somehow I'll have to keep up this training.

Tonight New Kids on the Block are performing in GR, and I get to work the show. I am actually really excited...not for the low-quality music or 40 year olds dancing around the stage like girls. I'm excited simply because it's hilarious to be.

AR Season Cometh

I am unofficially deciding that April 3 is the official start to my adventure race season. I'm starting it off with an exploratory run at Johnson Park today. We'll see how it goes. I might try some night stuff tonight. Tomorrow is a 20 mile ride out on the lakeshore (just a little one to get the legs moving). Who knows what's coming next. I've got like 2 months until my first race...plenty of time to train for a little 6 hour beginner race (i.e. clear the course in 4 hours). Now all I need is the new Raleigh.

Yesterday was a bit of a downer of a day. I got word that I didn't get a research internship I was going for. That means I am somewhat jobless this summer (except for a measly 20 hours a week max at my job now). The more I think about, too, the less I want to go to Wayne State (even with the MD/PhD idea aside). In talking with the interviewer ER doc he seemed to think that I wanted to practice big city medicine. My ideas of a good medical school is that big city med schools are better (as a result of the clinical experience), but I have no desire to live in a big city again...let alone practice medicine in a big city for the rest of my life. If I plan to live in a rural/suburban area (I don't think I could live in an area more dense than Grand Rapids and still easily be happy), it should follow that I learn that sort of medicine (which also re-opens awesome schools like Duke, UNC, and Cornell). I am wondering if I should attend Wayne State if I KNOW that I won't be happy living in Detroit; and by attending Wayne I would be gaining urban medical attributes and skills. It is a great school and would give me a great education...but there are better schools for me.

I have not nearly rules out Wayne State this year. I just think it would be ridiculous to go there this year simply because it was the only place I got in. I refuse to settle on an issue that has such a large bearing on the rest of my life.

Yesterday I found myself hoping that I get denied from Wayne State. I felt like it would just simplify things -- I wouldn't have to make any hard decisions. Taking a step back, it seems kind of ridiculous for me to attend a school that I hope denies me admission (especially when I will have to basically give them my life for 4 years and a huge amount of money). I know I should be excited about the prospect of attending a medical school, and if I'm not excited about it I darn well better not go there.

Tomorrow is another day. We'll see what happens then.

I like those letters

I had a mock interview on Monday with the pre-med adviser at Grand Valley. It was kind of goofy because this lady used to work at the University of Illinois, and I think she forgot that she doesn't work there anymore. While she may be a GVSU adviser by name, she is clearly an Illinois recruiter by profession. It was weird. She did throw an interesting idea my way, however.

Throughout the interview we talked a lot about my history in archaeology and biological anthropology. She made the observation that it seems that I am still very interested in that stuff, which I am. I just find it impractical to go for an academic career (50% of humanities PhDs actually use their degree...that's not worth 8 years of grad work). Apparently, though, the University of Illinois offers MD/PhD programs that bridge departments. That is, I could get a traditional MD and a PhD in biological anthropology (probably in something like human/neaderthal interactions or something like that, osteology, or something like that). The big difficulty I see with this is convincing the admissions committee that these two degrees are compatible in some way...because I'm not sure they are (I just love both subjects). The upside is that I would come out of school debt free. Time-wise it would take me FOREVER. As it stands, if I matriculated at Wayne State this fall I will get my first real paycheck no earlier than 2017 (that is, as a full-blown doctor). A PhD would tack on at least 4 more years (probably more). That really doesn't deter me now, but when I'm 35 and still a college student I might reconsider, especially when I don't like college students or college campuses as it stands (although I LOVE school).

I sent an email to my old anthropology professor in Boston asking his opinion. As far as I can tell, getting a PhD because it sounds cool is just stupid. Getting a PhD in order to get free med school is ignorant. Getting a PhD because I'm interested in anthropology is approaching a decent decision. I guess I just need to get more educated on the matter.

April 22 I hear about Wayne State. That is still a wonderful option.

We'll see what happens. Decision time is a long way away.

Dr. John T. McClain MD/PhD, FACP, EMT-S, FF I/II

I like all of those letters after my name. I have half now. Maybe I can get more.

Detroit Receiving

There are two hospitals in America that I find to be absolutely iconic. They are the types of hospitals that get a constant flow of bloody, drunk, and miserable people; and somehow the staff maintains their sanity enough to keep on doing their medicine. The hospitals are the types that people make TV shows about (and no, not Cook County Hospital and ER...real-life TV shows). One of those hospitals is Baltimore Shock/Trauma. This hospital leads the world in trauma and emergency care. It helps that Baltimore is a horribly violent city.

The other iconic hospital is Detroit Receiving Hospital. It is a real goofy-looking building, having been built in the shadow of Star Trek fame. It is shiny-silver on the outside with tiny square windows. It has little gardens within that have modern art that looks like scaffolding. The pathologies, though, are wonderful. As a second-year student put it, "these people are sick." Detroit is pretty legendary for its lack of personal safety, and all of the lower and lower-middle class folks who can't pay their bill end up at Detroit Receiving (though it's trending toward Sinai-Grace, according to Dr. Schwartz).

My interview yesterday was inside Detroit Receiving. I got a good feeling from the start when I walked into the med school (which is literally a stones throw from Detroit Receiving, or an exaggerated fall) I told the security guard I was there for an interview. From down the hall I hear "Good Luck!" The girl who said it stopped, turned around, and followed with "you're going to do great, everybody here is real nice!" Apparently they are. She was right, everybody was nice. My tour guide showed me and a group of med-applicant yuppies around, and between outbursts of "I hate this place" he spoke rather highly of the school. My interviewer was an ER doc at Detroit Receiving, and he mostly just asked questions filling in gaps in my application -- mostly about switching from BU to GVSU. All went fairly smoothly.

I still can't honestly say if I want to go to Wayne. I'll know on April 22 if I'm in or not. I am wondering, though, if I were to re-apply again for next year. With my MCAT already done I would have a better shot at higher-tier schools (Duke, UNC, Standford, etc.). I guess the question remains, what makes a good doctor. I'll let you know when I figure it out.

Made it back

I am back from the trip, and all I can say is that I have found a new sport.

We hit Lake Placid Thursday evening to find 50 degree weather and sunny skies -- great for a visit to Lake Placid, terrible for a winter ascent. We had planned on snow at the base (as the locals had reported a week before), so we brought sleds to haul out the camping stuff. Slush and mud eliminated out chances at camping out on the mountain, so we had to hit it all in one day. It was muddy for a while, but we hit consistent snow/ice about 2 miles in. The trail turned out to be pretty tough, with plenty of long steeps, but the forest was very nice. I didn't realize it at the time, but most of the trail isn't even on Mt. Marcy (I think it's on Phelps Mountain and Table Top Mountain)...but at one point you turn a corner and Mt. Marcy herself just towers over top of you. It was kind of like going to Cedar Point for the first time and being blown away by the height of the roller coasters.

The climbing was quite pleasant until we hit the tree line and some clouds rolled in. Visibility dropped to less than 1/4 mile and the trail wasn't the easiest to follow. At one point we did lose the trails, but after some aimless wandering we eventually hit what we thought was the peak. After some GPS speculation we finally concluded we were at the peak. The wind was insane...apparently 60 mph will take your breath away, and our breath was easily taken away. The view wasn't much of anything with the clouds, but it was still well worth being at the top of New York. We 3 went back down to the treeline and met up with the other 3 guys we were climbing with. Mike stayed behind, but Tim and I took the guys back up, which was hard but great.

The descent sucked, but it's supposed to suck.

All in all, it was a great climb and a great trip.

Needless to say, it looks like I've got some climbing in my future.

Marcy Tomorrow

I'm taking off for upstate NY tomorrow. Driving past Cleveland Tuesday, Lake Placid by Wednesday night, hiking to Marcy Dam Thursday, summit on Friday, other nearby peak Saturday, and returning Sunday. It should be a fun time.

AIG Money

I recently got to thinking about the whole AIG bailout/executive bonus situation. Everybody seems to be totally outraged and regard the executives are horrible people. I heard somewhere that there have even been death threats against their families. While the situation does suck, I got to thinking about the bigger picture.

In the book Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, the author is talking to a friend of his about all of the civil war - genocide crap in Africa. His friend asks Donald about the difference between the killers in Africa and themselves was. After some thinking, Donald realizes that there is no difference - to say there is a difference is to imply that people are born evil based on geographic location. While environment is a very strong influence in someone's life, Donald realizes that he is no different from a nazi, a Tibetan, or Mother Theresa.

Back in the late 1800's/early 1900's a prominent British newspaper (The Times) sent out letters to big-time authors inviting them to write essays on the theme "What's Wrong with the World?" One author, G.K. Chesterton, responded with a letter:

Dear Sirs,
I am.
Sincerely Yours,
G.K. Chesterton

Now, what is the difference between me and an AIG executive? Some education, some experience, lots of money. Deep down, though, do I have some characteristic, heart-level difference that I was born with? I can't believe that I do. If I were in the same situation, would I take the bonus money? I will respond with a story:

When I was in Boston a couple of weeks ago, our trip organizers paired us all up, gave us $21, and told us our goal was to take a homeless person out to dinner. My partner and I searched far and wide, walking from Copley Square to Berkeley to the MFA. No homeless people in sight. In failure, we got some sandwiches at Brueggers and returned to Dorchester. In total, our meal cost about $15, leaving me with a net gain of $6. Without really thinking about it I kept the $6. I didn't maliciously steal it, I didn't avoid talking about it, I didn't feel any sort of moral dilemma. This money was given to me to spend. I still don't feel any sort of conviction about taking the money.

Now multiply that $6 by 240,000 and you have the average AIG bonus. Where does amount of money denote magnitude of crime? Both AIG executives and myself took money that was given to us. Do other people need that money more than myself and the AIG execs? Yes. Is it our money, though? Yes. So who gets to be the moral police telling us to give away our money? Isn't that up to us?

Now the big picture -- is AIG lame for dolling out tax money for bonuses? Yes. Tax the shit out of it. That money needs to be put to better use. There is a time and a place for big government regulation, and it looks like this might be a time for it. I guess my conclusion is, though, that the AIG execs who got the bonuses aren't evil. They simply accepted what their company decided was deserved to them. I hate to admit it, but in the same circumstances I would do exactly the same thing.

I guess the goal of the next 60 years of my life is to make sure I don't get into the same circumstances.

$100 Pair of Pants

The time is almost here. On Tuesday I leave for Lake Placid, NY where I will attempt a winter (sort of) ascent of the tallest mountain in the Adirondacks, Mt. Marcy. I finalized my gear yesterday with some random purchases (fuel, a couple of nalgenes, sleeping pad), and I got stuck buying a $100 pair of baselayer pants. I had a sweet pair, but I can't seem to find them anywhere. Suffice to say, I have a sweeter pair now.

I got kind of sick a couple of days ago and I'm still trying to work it off. It's just a little GI bug, nothing that will keep me from climbing. Now all I need to do is learn glycolysis and a few other lipid and enzyme things. Big biochem test Monday.

Someone I don't like

Have you ever known someone you wanted so bad to dislike, but they only give you reasons to like them? I have a professor like that. He is teaching my capstone class (senior thesis-ish), and he is real tough. He is known around the school as the impossible nutrition professor. In the class I have him for he just ripped apart a paper I spent hours and hours on. He demands better quality work than any other professor I've had, and he will not hesitate to tell you how bad you are at something. To say the least, he is hard and very coarse.

I would love to just dislike him. It would be so easy. The problem is that he is so dang helpful and encouraging. After we got our papers back he went through and talked about common errors that many people made. In doing so he seemed to talk directly to me and basically highlighted everything that I did wrong. It seemed like he used my paper as an example of what to improve on without directly showing it to the class. Clearly he wants me to write better papers and is going out of his way to help. I am waiting for his office hours right now and I know he will be incredibly helpful.

In his office two things will happen: he will make me feel like an idiot and he will set me up to write a fantastic paper.

Why do I want to simply dislike him? It's so frustrating whenever he gives me reasons to like him. Why? I want to pass him off as a jerk. For some reason it's easier to lump people into groups and stereotypes. Why? I've been thinking about this one for a while without any result.

I've looked at the upcoming endurance season this summer and am excited. I basically have 3 goals: race a solo race (probably just a sprint), race a 24+ hour race, and race a marathon (Detroit on Oct. 18). Lets see if I can pull these off.

Suffering

I went out to Lake Michigan to work out today. My boss (henceforth referred to as Tim W.) were planning on doing 20 laps of these stairs that the city of Holland put in up a big sand dune. I went for a quick 20 min. run beforehand and we set off for the climbing. 3 1/2 hours later we hit 17. We were both quite pleased with ourselves, considering we didn't break for more than 5 min. and we were each carrying 40 pound packs.

Tim brought up an interesting point about endurance athletes. He compared me and another guy we are climbing with, Mike. Tim says that Mike is an amazing athlete considering his age, but endurance sports take one characteristic that Mike does not have: ability to suffer. When everything is horrible and you have no hope at all, just keep on going. When you dump a canoe in a 30 degree river when it's 15 degrees outside, just keep right on going. Tim says he has seen me suffer -- through long long hours of work, through immense physical workloads. I consider that a big compliment. We'll see if I can suffer my way up Mt. Marcy. I've got a biochem test to suffer through first, though.

Done

Finally the week is done. I just finished my long paper and it feels good. I am actually quite pleased with how it turned out.

I ran to class today and my knees were fine, but i got some nasty blisters from some new insoles I got. The 5 more miles I'll be running today won't make my feet happy with me, but callouses and mental toughness are worth it.

Now all I need to worry about is a biochem test in a week and a half. It'll be the toughest one yet, but I am working a 15 hour shift on Saturday in which the only thing to do is study. Bring on the fun.

Almost there

Real busy week. I've been working on a paper that's first draft was due on Monday, and the final is due Friday. Sunday night everything seemed to have gone wrong. The file got corrupted and I had to start from scratch at 10:30 PM. I realized at that moment that school really doesn't stress me out. Even though I knew I was probably going to be up all night I didn't care. One way or another I had to finish the paper, so why be stressed about it?

I figured out a great system for running. Most of the places I need to go (class, errands, etc.) are all within a couple of miles from my house, so I just started running whereever I need to go. I put in about 6 miles today and it was great. My knee started hurting about mile 5, which was expected. I just have to keep up some balance work, maybe twice a week.

Welp, back to working on the paper.

The sign of a good doctor.

I spent last week in Boston with a campus ministry group from Grand Valley. It was an amazing trip. We went around to different rehab facilities, rest homes, and homeless shelters to help out. Lots of painting and convincing sheltered Grand Rapids kids that rest homes are gross by nature. It was real good to get back to Boston. I think for the first time I truly felt like an adult. I was the "adult leader" for the trip and kind of had the role of being the responsible one. I felt very comfortable in that role. My co-leader is a super indecisive people-pleaser, which expanded my role a lot. I thought we made a real good team.

I got to meet with a few old friends from college and an old professor. While meeting with the old professor I further felt like a real adult. We only talked for like 10 min., but at one point he got real quiet and started telling me about some career moves he was looking into. While we were talking I realized that he wasn't Prof. Richard Lawler, PhD Yale University, and I wasn't John McClain, college student. He was Rich and I was John. Sometime in the past 3 years I have attained adulthood. My superiors are no longer socially dominant over me. They are, to some degree, friends. I guess the fact that I'm going climbing with my boss indicates a level of friendship.

I like to hope that I will always retain a bit of childhood. As long as I laugh at the word "Pooberry" I think I'm safe.

In Boston I met somebody who was going to Harvard's undergrad/med school combination program. She was in her early 40's and had survived a near-fatal assault and recovery from severe brain injury. The funny thing about her was her extreme thoroughness. When riding the T she knew the exact spot to stand at each station in order to end up exactly where she wanted to be at her destination. For example, if she is taking taking the red line from Harvard, you wait at the second Pepsi machine and it will put you in front of the stairs at Shawmut. If you are going from Downtown Crossing to Shawmut you wait at the first fan. I've always heard that the sign of a good doctor is thoroughness. It makes me wonder how thorough I am in my life. I think I am more than many, but far from very thorough. I think I hold communication to a higher priority, but maybe I need to work on thoroughness.

Now to finish a long paper and begin another long paper. Big couple of days ahead of me.

Research Pinnacle

I read something yesterday that made me feel like I've made it in the research world:

"Autophagy has been observed in failing myocardium caused by dilated cardiomyopathy, by valvular disease, and by ischemic heart disease."

One year ago I would have read that and thought "what?" It feels real good to read through that without skipping a beat. Who knows, I might just be a doctor yet.

...because putting off a paper is more fun than writing it.

I should be doing research, but I'm gonna do this instead. Today was warm, sunny, and enjoyable. I didn't do a whole lot of anything. I went to the airport to pick up one of the vans for the trip to Boston. I'm working as hard as I can on my capstone paper, but it just isn't budging very much.

I talked to Dale Mills today. A couple of weeks ago he got engaged and I've kept meaning to call him. Turns out he called me instead. I think I hit the age when it's normal to get engaged...at least it's becoming less of a surprise when my friends do. I can't help but wonder why. A year ago I was seriously considering getting engaged to Courtney simply because I thought I was supposed to -- I thought it was just what you do after dating someone for 10 months. I like to think I live my life above cultural expectations, but I guess I don't. I spend a lot of time thinking about relationships (of the intimate sort), and the role they fill in my life. On one side, I have that constant yearning for a member of the opposite sex. Even while I don't want to get married, I still want to take girls out on dates and open doors for them and stuff. When I think about relationships, though, I can't quite find a good reason for them in my life.

I did a lot of thinking a while back about what I would want in a girlfriend right now. I wrote a big, long facebook note about it and came to 3 basic ideas and one conclusion: I want a girl who does not require a whole lot of time (i.e. 1-2 days a month....after all, I REALLY like being alone), a girl who is good at quality time and conversation, and a girl who is discrete and compartmentalized. After writing that note it hit me that I don't want a girlfriend -- I want a counselor. Maybe I'll look into that...they both cost about the same thing.

Got a call from my boss today. They need me to work tomorrow and Saturday. Too bad I have class until 10 AM and am driving to Boston on Saturday. I would love some good ambulance time.

Prof. Rydel says journal are for reading.

In writing this blog I've been thinking about my audience. It's strange to write down what's going on in my head for everyone to read. In talking about A Hero of Our Time, Prof. Rydel argues that nobody writes a journal purely for personal reasons. She claims that everyone who writes a journal hopes that someday it will be read. I've tried a couple of times to prove her wrong, but I can never pull it off. I guess there is no accountability to record anything if it's only for yourself. Why would I care about what I'm thinking when I am thinking it? I'm already thinking it (if that makes any sense).

I'm just not quite sure what to reveal and what to censor.

I think I fixed the comments section.

I have reached my limit tonight. After just one article, I am burned out on reading about autophagy and reperfusion injury in myocardial tissue. It's pretty interesting stuff -- looking at a bit of a phenomenon where the heart will try to protect itself in the middle of an MI (heart attack) so that when the bloodflow restarted the tissue will be less damaged. I would love to write about it in the spirits of John Hawks, but it's time to put it down.

I had a little talk today with Steve Huisman, the owner of the Great Lakes EMS Academy (where I did my EMT-S class). It was my crazy idea to teach chemistry to his paramedic students, and he was all about it -- so I guess I am now a chemistry teacher. I'm going to have to figure out how to bring everything down to the level of a paramedic student. They need to learn about 2 1/2 years of chemistry in 12 hours -- I've got a big job on my hands.

Big week ahead of me putting together the logistics for a Campus Ministry trip to Boston, writing/researching for a calorie restriction and reperfusion injury paper, getting set for the Wayne State interview, putting together equipment for the Mt. Marcy climb, and writing a paper on Hamlet and Macbeth. I probably shouldn't take a break Tuesday night, but I think I will. All I have tomorrow is biochem and laundry.

Following in the footsteps.

I got an email today about my sister starting up a blog. I didn't think much of it, so I clicked on the link and read it. I then read my brother's blog and realized that I was the only McClain progeny without a blog. I figure I've followed in the Mary Kate/Paul footsteps in a lot of things, so why not in a blog. Besides, I suck at conveying myself to others, so why not do it over the blog medium. As with everything that I write, my main audience will be myself for personal reflection. I find I write most clearly, however, when I have the accountability of other readers. So here goes...

Something happened today that I have been waiting for since last August. I got a letter in the mail from Wayne State's School of Medicine. It was thicker than the other med school replies I've gotten, and needless to say I got invited to an interview. It was a funny feeling. I was surprised at how unexcited I was. By all means, I felt an incredible feeling of relief, but I wasn't excited. It just sort of felt like I was climbing Mt. Everest and I made it to high camp. I have been working for this goal for such a long time, it is just natural that I make it. Sure tons of people fail every year, but they only truly fail when they stop trying. Looking into Plan B options also decreased the level of excitement. I am beginning to make connections in Ethiopia, Kenya, and Singapore -- why would I want to go live in Detroit for 4 years? I think my feelings would be summed up by a little answer I got from God the other day.

I had been putting a lot of thought into different ideas for the next year (Peace Corps, alpine rescue, medic school, etc.). I was running cabs for work (i.e. driving old people around) and I was stopped at an intersection. I looked over at a church marquee next to me with low expectations (I generally find those messages either lame or irrelevant), but it just said "Patience." Whether God had me targeted or not I realized that I have spent the past 3 years learning how to be patient. Why should I be impatient now? The past 6 years have been perfectly sculpted (despite some little nicks that I've put into it), so why do I need to manipulate anything now? It's a good feeling. My interview is scheduled for March 31 at 1:00, and I'm going to put on my best suit. I'm going to walk in with a big smile and feel absolutely no pressure. It is the one interview I will ever have in which I have nothing to lose. If I get in, I get to start the road to being a doctor. What could be better than that? If I don't get in, I get to go to Kenya or Ethiopia or anywhere else for a year or awesomeness and try again next year. What could be better than that?

I learned something about myself over the past couple of weeks. I began by looking at my activities. I noticed that I have played just every sport imaginable -- lacrosse, water polo, swimming, rugby, soccer, fencing, adventure racing, alpine climbing, etc. -- but I haven't stuck with any of them. I always just assumed I was a quitter, until I realized my approach to challenges. When I am faced with something difficult, my level of motivation is inversely proportional to the level of difficulty. The harder something is the more I want to do it. Hence, an 8 hour race in December is much more appealing than a 3 hour triathlon, and a 2 day climb of the tallest mountain in New York is much more appealing than a game of rugby. Ultimately, I realized that I am an adventurer. I want challenges that make me think about new avenues of life. I want to be pushed to my absolute limit -- and I am willing to pay to inflict that upon myself. Why else would I walk 25 miles down the NC/SC coastline? I'm not sure there is any better way to pursue life. Not that I want to beat myself into submission everyday. I see a conversation as just as much of an adventure as a motorcycle tour of Taiwan. I'm not sure what that means for me, but I like knowing it.

I think this blog is going to be more of what's going on in my head than what's going on around me. We'll see where it goes -- it looks like this is a bit of adventure in and of itself.